words, warmth, & meg ryan
things i've been thinking about this January
At the beginning of this month, I led my fourth goals retreat at Rockvale Writers’ Colony. I always look forward to this retreat because I get to do a lot of self-help-fueled research and present my crazy findings to a group of willing participants. This year, we decided to make our focus around words - words that encompass our being, our desires, and our best intentions - which got me thinking not just about a word, but about a vibe. For life. For 2023.
For months, I played around with the thought of Joy. I did an entire workshop on it. Unlike happiness, which we strive for like it’s a final destination, joy is momentary, but powerful, possessing a pure and personal element. My joy is unique to me, as yours is to you. Therefore, it’s something that we can seek out in moments. It’s something that we can do and receive. (My joy rests in goats, iced peppermint white mochas, new notebooks, and walking. How about you?) So with all that in mind, I really love joy. But as a Word of the Year, it felt like it lacked a little something. It felt too…expected?
So I thought about Delight - similar to joy, but a little more interesting. In 2023, I want to find and spread the good in things. Delight felt like a good way to go. But then, one of my favorite writers announced that she, too, was choosing this word for the year, and because I couldn’t help but feel like I’d be copying her, I decided to move onto something new.
I was standing in the shower that night when the word “warmth” washed over me. OK, warmth literally did wash over me, but what struck me about it was how much I needed it. I was cold to my bones. I was stressed and tired. I couldn’t get the water hot enough. But the thought of comforting myself in that moment, then quickly drying off to put on some cozy flannel sleep pants and a big comfy sweater, was the only thing I wanted. For a moment, it would make everything just a little more bearable.
It occurred to me that warmth, like joy, could have a variety of interpretations. I mean, my goal for 2023 is not simply to get warmed up day after day. But it is, as I said, to find the feel-good, the cozy, the delight and joy of life; to nourish my body, soul, and life; to cuddle up in goodness when the world feels anything but.
Coming out of the holiday season, I’ve been experiencing this realization that I’m in the process of entering my “mothering” stage. Not only am I kind of becoming my mother - as was so aptly pointed out by my husband (in a loving way, of course) - but I’m increasingly experiencing this need to provide, to cook warm meals, to uphold family traditions, to bake bread, to comfort and inspire. I love the warm and fuzzy feelings that come from grainy black and white movies. I crave the nostalgic buzz of old records. I wish I was Meg Ryan, running a tiny independent bookstore, wearing oversized cardigans to the tune of an old Jimmy Durante song. I want to crawl into myself, into the past, and learn and share. I want to move towards what feels warm to me. I want to act in accordance with that warmth. And I want to let go of comparison and jealousy so that I might, instead, love and be loved.
Warmth. This is my word.
It’s something that comes so naturally to me, yet still needs to be nurtured. This is how I feel a “Word of the Year” should be.
And unlike goals, with their strict expectations, it’s difficult to fail at a word. And I like that. I like to think that I won’t be finding another way to disappoint myself this year, and that I’ll have something really comforting to focus on instead.
Only the good stuff, even amidst the bad.
So, stay tuned for the next installation, where I’ll be sharing the first steps in embracing a word as abstract as this one. (It’s coming soon!)