january's over! what next?

a simple exercise to find the silver linings

This old Jeep has been the bane of my husband’s existence over the last month, but on Friday, he made some peace with it (for now), bought us some beers, and we walked together in the gorgeous sunset light.

I don’t know about y’all, but January has been an effing DOOZY of a month for me. Looking back, I’ve had to wonder if I’m simply reacting to the annual reality of January that everyone makes memes about, if I’m entirely overreacting to the volatile ups and downs of life and need to get my head on straight, or if, in fact, this has been a particularly bad start to 2024.

To figure it out - and because apparently Elmo unintentionally started a mental health conversation on Twitter (or X or whatever) and the overwhelming response was that people are not doing well - I did a little impromptu activity this morning, and I hope it will help you as much as it helped me.

It will just take a few minutes - pull out a notebook, and begin:

First, check in with yourself. What are your feelings about the last month?

If, like me, those feelings aren’t so great, list out why. Seriously. Write down every little thing that contributed to your month not being a fun one, or a productive one, or the antithesis of whatever else you’d hoped it to be.

For example, when I actually list out every bad or frustrating thing that I can remember from this past month, it’s pretty fascinating. The subjects range from health scares to bad weather to bad news from good friends to skunk infestations and burst water pipes, not to mention a large lack of restful sleep due to the anxiety of all of the above. It’s no wonder I feel defeated - but acknowledging that grants me some peace.

- pause -

OK. Did you write your list? Phew! Do you feel a little better, getting it all off your chest? Perhaps recognizing that many of these bad things were actually out of your own control - i.e. not your fault? Good! Now’s the perfect time to look at the past month from a different perspective.

Start reflecting on things again. Were there good moments that might have been overshadowed by your memory of the bad? Looking back over this looonnnnggg dark first month of the year, are there things you forgot about? Things that bring a smile to your face or a dash of hope to your heart? List those. And don’t be afraid to take some time thinking about them - dig deep. Maybe you discovered a really great recipe. Maybe you had a much-needed conversation with a friend. Or a long, hard laugh. Maybe - despite the stress of the snowstorms - you really enjoyed watching those first flakes fall through the sky.

- pause -

Are you done? I’ll bet that felt good, too. Better, even, than reflecting on the bad and letting that go. Which brings me to the final list I want you to make, one that should feel a bit easier now that you’re in a better mood:

What are you looking forward to in the next month?

This list can contain goals or intentions. It can contain specific dates or events that you know are coming. It can simply be the fact that January’s over now and you can finally move on. Think about tiny steps you can take that might help you handle whatever hardships you’re experiencing and help embrace some of those better times you almost forgot about. Think of something special - just for you - no matter how small and insignificant it may feel.

Personally, I’m always beating myself up about how I’m not writing enough. And the real consequence of that is not that I’m not writing; it’s that I’m beating myself up about it. Constantly.

So I want to write more for myself in February, to work on some long-term projects….but only because I want to write, and doing so will boost my confidence. (This feels like an important revelation.) I’m also looking forward to more walks, reading instead of screening, and our first-dateiversary low-key Valentine’s dinner at Edley’s BBQ - this tradition is the best-kept secret in Nashville.

- one more pause to wrap this thing up -

Spend as long or as little time as you’d like on this exercise. You can do it month-after-month or only when you need it. But I hope this simple practice offers you some peace on whatever journey you find yourself. It’s important for us to give names to our feelings, to acknowledge and make some peace with what’s not quite right, but accept the silver linings that are trying so hard to peek through. We’re allowed to feel good when things feel bad. We have to. If we don’t find our way to that hopeful place, what else are we gonna do?